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Let me be blunt, Shenmue III is a terrible game. Like irredeemably bad. And it pains me to say this, since legions of Shenmue haters will no doubt take this opportunity to declare the whole series a garbage heap. So let me be clear: I love Shenmue I & II, and it’s undeniable that the first game was completely revolutionary. But Shenmue III shakes up the formula in a big way, and in doing so, fails to deliver a crucial element core to the original games’ appeal.

At first glance, Shenmue III appears to be exactly what we were expecting: a continuation of Shenmue’s story, more of less the same game we could have gotten in the early 2000’s. Except itisn’t quite that, because combat in that game would have been skill-based and fun, while the combat in this game is a sloppy wet mess.

Yep, you read that right: They ruined the fighting gameplay in Shenmue III. The series that began development as a Virtua Fighter RPG is absolutely no fun to play in the one area which you’d expect it to shine. Series creator Yu Susuki did not translate over the combat system from Shenme II into an updated game engine, instead opting to overhaul it completely.

Apparently in an effort to make Shenmue more accessible to a wider audience, a new “simplified” combat system was implemented, one that jettisons all skill-based fighting gameplay. The result being that it is not possible to fight well in this game, and outcomes of fights are entirely dependent on Ryo’s stats and the stats of his opponent(s). It’s such a horrendous design decision, it basically kills the entire experience.

Instead of combat controls giving you four buttons corresponding to Punch, Kick, Throw, and Dodge like in the first two games, Shenmue III instead turns all four face buttons into generic “Attack” inputs. Thus in order to “simplify” combat, the game combines four basic and easily understandable commands into four arbitrary buttons of randomness. The in-game instructions actually encourage you to just mash buttons and see what happens. No really, that is not a joke.

Without a dedicated Punch button and Kick button, it’s pretty difficult to guess what kind of move your inputs might produce, let alone remember how to perform any specific techniques. They also removed directional inputs from the system altogether, so there’s literally no context for anything. Actually performing moves now involves a random sequence of nonsense inputs. For example, pressing X, O, O does an elbow attack, pressing X, X does a sweep kick, and pressing X, X, ▢, ▢ performs the Tornado Kick. You basically have to rely on the Auto-Attack button to consistently perform the few moves you really want to use.

This nonsensical mess is already infuriating, but wait, it gets worse! Due to the way Shenmue III’s combat system uses a string of 2-4 button presses to determine what move is actually performed, there is a HUGElag time between input and execution—I’m talking like a full second here! Because of this delay, it is absolutely impossible to react to anything your opponent does. Not that visual cues would be much help here, since fights look so floaty and lifeless. Whether a blow connects, get blocked, or whiffs completely, the animations will fully play out regardless, resulting in an ugly-looking, disconnected mess. Despite the series’ history, I’d argue that the combat system doesn’t even qualify as 3D fighting gameplay this time around.

So yeah, the combat sucks now. I guess I’ll call this Strike One. Though if I’m being honest, ruining the fighting this badly is unforgivable and ultimately disqualifying. (But if you still feel like reading on from here, have at it!)

As previously mentioned, outcomes of all fights are entirely dependent on the combatants’ stats. It would appear that the developers focused their efforts on Stat/Level building this time, instead of refining combat. Unfortunately this approach means a lot of grinding, which is completely devoid of fun. Players can increase slowly Ryo’s attack and endurance stats by playing three terrible and overly simplistic mini-games over and over and over again. (And by “slowly” I mean the stats increase at an excruciatingly, glacially slow pace.)

Here’s Ryo’s robust kung fu training regiment:

Horse Stance

In this mini-game you intermittently tap the X Button in order to bend Ryo’s knees and keep his squat stance suitably low. There’s a colored line overlaid on screen for you to follow that changes green to red to indicate how you’re doing. And it’s exactly as interesting as that sounds.

While the exercise depicted is basic martial arts, and arguably the most fundamental physical training possible, it is also super boring. Its gamification here does nothing to make the task more interesting or engaging. So without the physical experience of actually doing the horse stance yourself, this mini-game amounts to nothing more than mind-numbing tedium. (A criticism which one could extend to this game as a whole.)

One-Inch Punch

A timing-based mini-game that comes the closest to approximating the thinnest veneer of fun. Two vertical lines sweep in from the sides of your target and you want to press X at the exact moment the meet in the center. This task at least gives the impression that your timing and reaction speed is being tested. Might as well get that in now since IT’S ENTIRELY ABSENT FROM COMBAT!

Any enjoyment derived from One-Inch Punch evaporates quickly. While it would probably make a decent WarioWare microgame—played for 5 seconds and quickly followed by something else—Shenmue III forces you to play this game repeated for couple minutes each time. And you really have to grind all three of these a lot if you want to progress through the story.

Rooster Step

OK, the third training mini-game is somehow the worst. You would think it’d be hard to conceive of a training mini-game that’s even duller than Horse Stance, and yet they managed to pull it off. Rooster Step consists of Ryo walking in a circle, that’s it.

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But wait, this mini-game is even worst still! You don’t actually control Ryo in the Rooster Step game. Ryo just walks around in a circle automatically, while you control a green line on the floor like a clock hand, trying to keep it pointed through the middle of Ryo’s stance. This is strange for a couple reasons. First, it’s both boring and feels bad to play; swinging a clock hand icon around a fixed circle is janky and surprisingly unpleasant. But more importantly, it’s the only time in a Shenmue game in which you don’t control Ryo, and this breaks the consistency of the game as a whole.

The whole point of Shenmue is live out Ryo’s adventure through his eyes. That’s why his character is so thin on personality; he’s mostly a blank slate for the player to inhabit. Throughout every part of Shenmue—from training, to fighting, to driving a forklift, drinking canned beverages, using vending machines, playing arcade games, asking random citizens if they know any sailors, etc.—you interact with the world as Ryo does. Then suddenly, for this one mini-game, Ryo does his own thing and you just control an icon on the floor. The dissonance it creates is extremely jarring, like having an out of body experience. It just happens to be the most boring out of body experience imagin